Thursday, September 8, 2011

This is me...

I was thinking last night. I think of all the things I have to do and what not.
I am a wife , a mother, a sister, a daughter, a step daughter, a grand daughter, a niece, a cousin, a friend,a sister in law, daughter in law and friend.  I am funny, sweet, cranky, boring at times, i can be organized, i am mostly dis organized, i like to have fun but , find myself boring more times than not.  my kids think i'm awesome when they don't think i'm being mean lol, I am compassionate, and at times hard, i'm emotional, i can be weak that is why my husband is my rock.  I think of all these roles I have a responsibility to.  There are ones that take priority to others. I live my life the best I can and there are times I let one of these responsibilities slip.  There are days that I am lazy and don't want any of them. I am blessed to have them all.  But the one I never want to falter is my greatest responsibility a debt that I myself can never repay. A debt that was made years before I was a thought. A debt so great that I am constantly humbled by. A man who did no wrong in his life. The son of the Almighty Great I am . He hung on a cross for the sins I had not yet committed. So as I tell you my greatest role in my life remember that this may be your goal in life. Maybe , you are on the fence about certain issues. The role in my life that is what I strive for, that i breathe for, that I would give everything up for. The only  thing in my life that keeps me going on the days that I want to give up , throw in the towel. The one role in my life that has given me life eternal.  I am a daughter not just any daughter I am daughter of the Great King, the Lord of Lords, the King of all Kings. I was washed clean the day I took him into my heart.  I put my faith in someone I have never met. I have never touched his robes . I have never seen his face.  I have never breathed his scent. I have felt his arms, I have felt his presence , I have seen his miracles everyday in my life.  I have witnessed his great comforting. I am a daughter of the King. I don't take this role lightly. I strive to love others with the love he showed this sinner. I have messed up and will again. But, I know that when this world is cruel , cold and unforgiving of my tresspasses. My father forgives me . When this world is unloving and distant. I am resting in his hands. When the world lets me fall and get dirty. He carries me in his mighty arms, he cleans me and shows me his greatness. When noone in this world wants to listen. He always listens to my struggles, my heartaches, my pain, my successes, my dreams, and my prayers for the future. He guides me in my life. He helps me be a wife and mother. He has supplied me with all that I need. He shows me beauty in a world that has so much ugliness to offer.
I am daughter to the King.  He has made me a princess not by a simple prayer but by providing me with grace.  He has stood by my side when the world turned their back on me. When I had nothing to offer Him but a sin filled life. He took me and showed me his awesomeness.  When I couldn't find words he gave them to me. When I couldn't find love He provided me with undying love.  I am a daughter to the King. That is the best role he has provided me with . And I will boast in him until the day that he brings me home. When I stand in his presence I pray that my father the King looks at me and says my daughter, my princess job well done.  I pray that with all that he has given me I can share with my children. I pray for them to be mighty sons of the King. That they see him for what he is. I pray they take his hand and walk with him. I want to leave a legacy for my future grandchildren , great grand children. My children and my husband are mine to teach and show Gods love through. I am a daughter to the King and that is a great responsibility and a role that should not be taken lightly. God has been good to me through the hard times and good. I will forever be in debt to the mighty Father that sent his son. His son , his only son to die on the cross for a daughter not yet born. When he hung on that cross my sins and my name were on his lips and in his mind. He gave himself for me. I pray that I make him proud in my choices, and my words, and in my actions.
Today as I sit here typing this I have a list of things a mile long to do . I wanted to take this time and praise and boast of my father.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Making a plan , when your just not sure

Well, my husband and I have been talking about moving for o, I would say 5 years now. Everytime I think we are close I get excited and yell it from the roof tops........and then we don't lol. We are talking again, praying that the loose ends get tied and we get the little and big stuff going. It is hard thinking about leaving somewhere you grew up , everyone knows you and has gotten used to you and your personality lol.. I have a light hearted personality to say the least. Well, in public I guess haha. I am hoping and praying that this time we get to go. How exciting a true family adventure. New people, new places. Different opprutunities to share God's love to other people. But, the downside. I am leaving my family who has always been there for me, always had my back. Whom I love dearly and will always treasure the wisdom they have shared with me. But I have a chance of making my husband happier and possibly having a great relationship with his children. Well, I got 2 hungry boys I must go feed

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

The Curse of the Church Lady Face/life

Wow, what a month this has been. Today, I am just feeling down and out, truly I hate feeling this way. God has showed me so many wonders in my life. He has provided many great things for me and my family. Then why am I feeling alone, and depressed. To see me at church or out and about with the boys noone would know. I feel like a liar sometimes. I put on the "CHURCH LADY FACE" I use the Christian F word.....and I use it with not one ounce of shame. Ask me how everything is and I will say that F word to your face...shaming really. I will tell you I am Fine...everything is Fine...that F word is so easy to use. But, why when I have a loving Church family , family, friends do I feel the need to do that. There have been many times that someone has asked me how life was and I just wanted to let it all out tell everything that is going on , what I am struggling with , what my husband or kids are struggling with. Why my life is so horrible (lol). Spill the beans on all the people that have done me wrong this time. But, I have said one word that I feel people almost expect I am Fine. I am a cheerful person, laughing , smiling all the time. But, there are days that as I am laughing , smiling, joking I feel like I am dying inside. I do feel better in the fact that I know that I am not alone in doing that. I'm not saying that God messed up when he planned my life. No, these are my choices. God, is carrying me through the times that I want to throw in the towel. The times when I don't want to get out of bed, the times when the shower just seems too much, the times that I want to just tell the boys that they will just have to educate themselves (which by the way would include educational material from the rugrats). I have faith that HE will pull me out of this funk I am finding my self in.. I am just feeling pulled in so many directions anymore. My husband who has been struggling with life as well wants to leave the state. A good wife would have her bags packed and ready to roll. Part of me is but then my family wants us to stay (for good reason), his dad would be devastated. When I think about the what if's if something were to happen to someone what would we do. Are we going to be ok, what if he loses his job down there (florida) what will happen to us. Just so many thoughts runing across my mind...I am ready to run, but what am I running into. Sure, we would be with us just our family . I would get to meet more people share God's love with others. Which I would absolutely love. I am horrible at this. I really should just close my eyes plug my nose and just dive in. How do I do that ? How do I throw our life up here out and start a new life somewhere else? i feel better just spewing this out for the world to see.
God watch over me and my family , please help us make a decision that will be the right one. Praying for your will.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

The 7 year itch

WOW, so on Saturday my hubby and I will be celebrating 7 years of marriage. Its funny when I think back to the day we were married. I stayed the night at my best friend's / maid of honor, and we watched movies as I was stressing over my vows....But lets give you an overview of the events leading up to my impromptu wedding nuptials. It started a week before we were married, I get the call from my mother telling me that my grammother wanted to throw us a wedding...OK, yeah that sounds so romantic. I was 8 months pregnant with our first child Isaac . We wanted to get married before he was born. I know we did it a little backwards but well, we did. We had been talking about how we could get married. Money was tight (hmm...kinda still is lol) I told him that Isaac would be an Orr from birth (if not married the child will have my last name on his wrist band) so , when I got this call my wedding planning kicked in high gear. (OK, so i might have already had it planned since i was about 4) I had some ideas....but when you only have a week that is all you get...So, anyways I spent the week trying to get everything pulled together all while being 8 months pregnant and still working. My dad and gramma and smom couldn't be here in time, they were still in Florida. That was the most devastating event. My dad whom I love very much would not get to walk me down the aisle. So, I was shopping and planning, calling the close family that we had up here to let them know of our plans. I was elated to say the least...Jacob and I were GETTING MARRIED....IS THIS REAL? yeah , that was really going through my head . I wore a lovely black skirt and the only blue shirt from Fashion Bug that would fit me( I WAS HUGE)...I got my very own you ready for this.....are you sure...I got married to the love of my life at the..wait for it....super 8 on rt 8 south , Butler PA . In the conference room. HAHAHA. sorry I find it amusing. So, moving least I got the bridal I'm getting ready with all the women I proceeded to tell everyone how much I loved my mother in law but sometimes I wanted to flush her head in a's now forever recorded on video. I truly love her..she went to God about 5 years ago. She treated me like a daughter. I walked down the aisle with my mother to my groom and an awesome preacher. It was one of the happiest days of my life. Even though it was nothing like my 3 year old brain pictured. But, I married my husband. I can remember what I was thinking that day....
I HAD TO PEE SO BAD...haha...not what you were thinking huh? Did you catch the part that I was 8 months pregnant with my wired first born who continuously kicked my bladder. So thank you for hanging in there...I dedicate this post to my husband...he has taught me many lessons throughout our marriage. Love has its ups and downs and major bumps...but it is well worth the ride. Thank you Jacob for learning about love , trust and loyalty and being able to learn these lessons by your side. I love you.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Life lessons according to Spongebob Squarepants

Well, as many of you know I am the mother of 2 little boys. With the blessing
of motherhood has also sent me a lesson in one of the
most (personally speaking here) annoying and insanely addictive shows.
Yes, I know this controversial show (to some) is where I have learned
some life lessons.
Let us start, with that greedy, red crustacean Mr. Krabbs.
You see this "shelfish" (yes, this is my attempt at being amusing) ,
little crab teaches us that there is more
to life than money. You don't really see him suffering other than the time
he lost 2 arms when he dropped his lovely dime down a drain.
Matthew 6:21
"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
Now ,Mr. Krabbs seems to have everything, a thriving business, all the money ,
and faithful friends and apparently staff. But, he is so self absorbed in making the green stuff, that he doesn't care who he hurts. (I am referring to the episode where he sells the soul of his most faithful employee Mr. Squarepants to the ever frightening Flying Dutchman for a measly 62 cents)
Let us move on, Mr. Squidward. Wow, he just amazes me in how cold he can be to others around him....This is what self absorption will get you....when you care about no one, how miserable you will become. We are to love one another as Christ has loved us. Mr. Squidward you have taught me to put others ahead of me, I would hate to be so obsessed with myself I wouldn't see the kindness and love that others are showing me.
Finally, we are getting to the grand finale....the major star of the show. Mr. Spongebob Squarepants. I think that if i could pick one character to be it would have to be him. Spongebob is a loyal friend, patient and always thinking of others. Now, come on how many of us would have a friend like Sir. Patrick and not want to rip our hair out. Alas Spongebob sticks by his friend and thinks not of himself. He also shows many times not to give up. Yes, I am referring to the episode where he is trying to be a good neighbor to sir Squidward. This yellow sea sponge that has a plethora of talents shows loyalty to all new heights.
Sponge bob reminds me of one of the many lessons that God teaches us on life....

4Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;b 6it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8Love never ends.

1 Corinthians 13 4-8

How much patience Spongebob has shown others. Even though no one shows him much. I have never heard Spongebob be boastful or envious. I only see joy and happiness when I look at this lesson teacher. Other than the few times that he has lost his temper, he has shown great love and joy. So many times could he bring up all the wrong that was done to him but he does not...maybe in this highly confusing at times show we could learn a few lessons if we look past the idiocy and mistreatment of poor Spongebob.

Now to make my witty statement at the end that will make you ponder life and all that God has to offer.......

Hmmm...I really don't...

I think that maybe we could be a lil more like Spongebob and overlook some of the wrongs that people do to us. To show God's love through our actions. To be a little bit more easy to please. A little bit more joyful in our serving of others and of Savior Jesus Christ. He was the definition of love, understanding, faithfulness and above all he was , is and always will be the main definition of Sacrifice. For although we may be Christians but we are also sinners cleaned and purified by the blood of the Lamb sent by God. To show us how much he loved us and cared for us he spread the arms of his only son on that cross and to show us that his arms are always going to be open to sinners like me. His arms were nailed that way. I am truly in love , with the one who gave it all for me. When he died on that Cross my sins were at his feet.

God Bless, love you all

please do not check my grammar, i am writing about Spongebob here i'm not a perfect writer.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Am I a Human grown up yet?

Well , we moved out of my father in laws house a couple months ago. And well normally grown husband and wife would have moved into their own place. Well, I am hoping that God just doesn't want us on our own because we moved into my grammothers. We moved for reasons I just cannot post online. So as we are here over the holidays which were awesome. Jacob's father has asked that we come back and fix up the basement of the house as ours.......You know sometimes in a womans life a momma's life, a wife's life you just pray for your own space. I have even found myself praying that the army will draft Jacob (he used to want to be in the armed forces his want not mine) but I just have this need to be June Cleaver somewhere of my own. My own living room, kitchen, food, bedroom. But, i do not feel it is in my life plan. We , for some reason keep getting pulled back. Now we are not financially secure and we cannot afford our own place. Jacob has been moved down to part time AGAIN. he is on midnight shift AGAIN. So the comfort level of living with someone who is home at night is comforting...but still at 29 years old you would think that you know, we would have the house , 2 cars, life insurance you know all that responsible stuff that you should have before you turn *gulp* 30 years old. And when things don't follow your line you don't yet feel like a grown up yet. You feel like people look down on you because of how you live....and that is sad....I pray my sons go to a good college, get a good education, find awesome jobs (would be great if they were missionaries or president but i will keep my dreams for them)...I pray my sons find awesome and great wives that support them. I pray they get the house across the street from us....But above all I pray that they give God all their faith, hopes and dreams. This is where i tie all those loose ends in here at the end lol....I am almost *gulp* 30 years old, I am going to move into my father in laws basement (you know maybe that is cool because now i feel alot younger), I have 2 boys that i raise in the arms of Jesus Christ, I homeschool, I stay at home, I support my husband in the choices that he makes for his family....I know that God has us..and because of something silly like a living condition, well I'm just thankful that we have a roof over our heads, family that care and love us , a God who got this and is almighty, I know God's will , will be done in my life, as my husbands, and my boys. That is what i pray each and every night. I get overwhelmed, depressed , angry at times . But, i trust in my Savior not to look down on me in disappointment , I am his daughter, the princess of a great and mighty King who so got this.....
well until next time
God bless

Friday, December 31, 2010

New Years makes you think

I am currently sitting here with a cousin and my 2 boys watching spongebob. Really bringing in the new year here.... But, i am thinking about this past year , how many smiles were shared, tears were shed, the hurts, the accomplishments, the joys that have happened. I have been blessed in my walk with my Savior...Jacob and I have had our setbacks throughout this year only to be stronger than we were before the setbacks. I know this is the man that God has put on this earth for me. My boys are making great strides in school, yes we are still fighting Isaac but mostly with his writing lol... Lucas is having fun being bad haha....So as this year ends i think about what I want to happen this year and realiize it will be God's will he will guide me and protect me like he has for the past 29 years....I will turn 30 this year that is a big accomplishment as i ponder lifes lessons....i am making resolutions this first year in a long time
1. I will quit smoking..i am so tired of being held in this bondage to these little smelly things
2. i will be more organized with myself...with as many electronics as i have i should never forget anything
3. i am getting into the word of my Savior more and more...with out his instruction manual
4. i am going to be a better mom, i am going to remind myself that my children are my gift from God and are true examples of his power to perform mighty miracles
5. i am determined to make my husband happy and satisified..i know he is going through hard times and i am completly in love with this man that was sent to me
6. i am going to be more diligent in my homeschooling, and lesson plans, and teaching more interestingly
7. I am going to let myself feel loved by my father and let him show me his love
8. I am going to start writing my book, i am bound and determined to have God speak to me and pass his words onto others who need to hear them.
9. i want help with the co op and be a benefit to them
10. i want to chill out a little bit more and not be so paranoid.

So those are the 10 things i want to accomplish in this year coming..for me and God and my family and most of all my children. I want to be a better daughter to my kind and honor him in all i do and all the choices i make this year and beyond...I want to be a better example for my children and husband. I hope i inspire someone to go to the King who will provide them comfort when they hit rock bottom, to catch them when they fall, to love them when noone else will.....This year will be for Him the GREAT I AM ,
God Bless
have a wonderful and safe new year